I abandon my addiction to the certainty of life, and my need to know everything. This illusion cannot speak, it cannot walk with me at night as I taste life's fragility.
This post is really a continuation of one of my Instagram posts from a couple months ago. This song just keeps sitting with me in the season of life I'm in. A lot of it has to do with the fact that United Pursuit puts so beautifully into words the exact things on my mind and in my heart. But the Lord has always had a way of stirring my affections for him through music.
This line specifically continues to dwell in my thoughts. I realize how much the certainty of life really can become an addiction, and has for me. I remember when I was listening to this song and that thought hit me. I was walking down the beach by myself early in the morning and since it was November, there wasn't a soul there. It was a beautiful morning and as I looked out into the vastness of the ocean, I couldn't help but reflect on the infinitely more vast God who created that ocean. And that infinite God who set the world in motion is the One who breathed life into me and who cares deeply about that life. And then I went back to that addiction. This so-called need I have to know everything about my life and what life holds. In that moment I was overwhelmed with what that really means, and what that says about my view of God - by clinging to the addiction of the certainty of life, I had made an idol out of comfort and control. And in doing these things, I had totally lost sight of who God is and who I am in light of who he is.
I was essentially looking for all the things that God provides, outside of God himself. Attempting to choose something I think might be greater than God. Which seems a little ridiculous - to look for fulfillment everywhere but the true source. But as humans it's what we do.
Despite all of that, God draws us lovingly and firmly back into his presence. He is patient with us and dwells within the midst of us. He gives us a new and a better identity, and he reminds us when we forget who we are. He demands the highest honor and praise, not because He is a tyrant king, but because there is nothing and no one worthy of it but him. This truth encourages me and makes it a little easier to abandon my addictions, because who I am abandoning them for is far far greater and certainly worth it.