The Best Day Ever & The Hard Times Ahead
Is it weird to write a blog post about your own wedding? Maybe. But I've rarely taken the conventional route in life, so why start now? This post is sort of a combined post of our wedding day, but also my thoughts on the past few weeks of my life. And no, this is not a blog post on the 10 things I've learned in my first week of marriage, I still know nothing about marriage. This is just a post recapping our wedding day and a chance for me to process a season of life that has come with a lot of change. So keep reading, I promise it'll be good!
First, let me just start off by PRAISING GOD for 5/26/2018. I've always had this dream to have my wedding ceremony in the middle of nowhere in a huge field. So when I found my venue and a fiancé who wanted the exact same thing, it seemed like things were lining up exactly the way I wanted them to. Fast forward through our engagement to the week before our wedding and there is a 90% chance of thunderstorms the entire day of our wedding which led to stress and tears and dreams being crushed and idols being revealed and all the things. Yes, I probably was idolizing my "dream wedding day" and so when I found out it was supposed to rain, I was pretty deflated.
Anyway, the Lord was still so gracious to give us an absolutely beautiful day despite the forecast. He didn't have to, and he still would have received all the glory even if it had rained. But he was gracious to give us the awesome gift of beautiful weather. He answered our prayers and we give him all the glory for that, and for the even more beautiful covenant of marriage that was celebrated that day. My one desire was that the Gospel would be displayed and the Lord was faithful to remind us that that is all that mattered.
So I've included some of my favorite photos from that day, courtesy of Leah Grace Photography, and also my best friend who is incredible at what she does (sublte plug because she's incredible). So scroll through to see the beauty! And then keep scrolling to read about how despite how beautiful your wedding pictures may seem, moving to a new city and beginning a new life can be ugly.
So the reception ended, we jetted off to Jamaica, and then I moved my entire life from Birmingham AL to Louisville KY. I knew it would be a tough transition, but I just didn't really expect how that would play out. I love my husband so much and I love the fact that our relationship is no longer long distance. That we finally get to be one. But moving to a new city for me has come with its own challenges. I am sort of in a season of limbo.
I had a full emotional and mental breakdown last week because I just felt like I was a failure. It had only been a few weeks and I already felt as though I was trying to hold everything together and last week, the last seam popped and all of the water came rushing out. Honestly, I'm sitting here thinking right now and trying to decide how vulnerable I should even be. I just decided I will be pretty vulnerable because people need to know they're not alone. I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life. I've just launched a new business, taking a risk and praying that it succeeds. Meanwhile, I'm trying to not idolize it or put all my hope in it. My husband is hard at work all day, and I am too, I just feel as though I have nothing to show for it yet. He comes home and I've already ruined dinner at least twice. "I'm such a failure" I repeat to myself over and over. Due to the nature of this whole new business thing, I have spent a lot of days alone at home at my desk, or in a coffee shop but hardly talking to other people. I don't know many people here and although I have just gained a lifetime companion, I have never felt more alone in my entire life. And this is coming from me, Marti (Frederick) Harris. The ENFP. The girl who is more extroverted and outgoing than anyone you've ever met. The girl who seems like she has it all together and has so many friends.
Well let me just tell ya, she most certainly does not have it all together. But that's okay. What's not okay is the enemy feeding me lies and telling me I am alone, I am a failure, and that I have no purpose. I do have a purpose and it was given to me by God himself. I just often forget that. Even when I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life or even for lunch.
So why am I being so vulnerable and sharing with you all the ugly parts of my life? Because someone has to. Because we have to take the darkness and bring it into the light. I want to tell you that if you've resonated with anything that I have said so far, you are not alone. You are loved. You are adored. And God himself is with you, even at this very moment. So do not lose heart. You are not alone.
I know it's all you've got to just be strong
And it's a fight just to keep it together
I know you think that you are too far gone
But hope is never lost
- xoxo -